but the things you do for love

I know, I have been absolutely miserable at keeping up this blog lately. It’s not that I haven’t been cooking or photographing or ruminating, just not here so much. I’ve been channeling the bulk of my creative energies into Feed, my health counseling practice.

The good news is that you can find some of the great recipes I’ve been conjuring in my newsletter archive, which can be found here. Better yet, subscribe and you’ll get it every month (…or almost every month). I’m working on the next issue now, so it should be hitting an inbox near you in the next day or two!

Curious about what I’m chewing on day to day? You can follow me on Twitter @feedhealth.

Also, do keep your eye out for more regular postings this summer, when I’ll be hailing from western Kentucky. I have big plans for my Manu’s summer bounty, and I promise to share my creations with you.

Until then, read FeedNews, and happy spring!

So I’m generally pretty big on learning to listen to your body. I think bodies are smart. I think, when we learn to speak their language, they’re pretty good conversationalists. I think it’s important to cultivate a relationship with one’s body in much the same way that you’d cultivate a relationship with anyone else in your life. Sometimes, like any relationship, getting to the heart of things with your body isn’t easy.

Have you ever had a conversation like this?
You: “Honey, what’s wrong? You seem grouchy.”
Partner:“Nothing. I’m fine.”
You:“Really? Because you don’t seem fine.”
Partner: “…I’m fine. I’m just hungry. Low blood sugar…”
You: “Really? We just ate.”
Partner: “Huh.”

So I had a conversation much like this with my body last night. I got home from work feeling tired, jet-lagged (still), and grouchy. I was like: “Hey body, what’s up? What do you need?” and my body was like “Errghghghgg.” To which I replied: “Um. Okay. So, I’m hearing that you’re tired and need to unwind. Yes?” Body: “Hrmmmphhh….” Me: “I’ll take that as a yes. So, we have about an hour – how can I help?” Body: “…Um…Chocolate?”

Now it’s one thing to listen to your body, but as you’ve probably noticed, sometimes the first thing a partner says to you is not really the whole story. Sometimes your partner knows what’s wrong, but not how to fix it. Sometimes you have to dig a little deeper. Sometimes you have to use past experiences with this person to understand his/her patterns. Sometimes you have to ask again.

A little context. I sat at my desk all day yesterday, seeing clients, playing catchup, working hard. I didn’t get to ride my bike to work, so I’d barely moved my body at all. I had, however, eaten plenty – a delicious healthy lunch of farro with roasted butternut squash and arugula, a ginger cookie, an apple and some pecan butter mid-afternoon. I got home with an hour and half until I would meet with 2 more clients by phone. It was sunny outside - gorgeous, in fact. And yet, all I felt like doing was crawling under the covers with my book and a chocolate bar.

But I know that trick. Chocolate makes me feel great for about 10 minutes while I’m eating it, and then not so great afterwards. This is particularly true if I’m “using” chocolate or other sweets in an attempt to unwind or boost my energy. I suspected that no amount of chocolate was going to make me feel rejuvenated and relaxed and ready to be present for 2 more hours of counseling. I also know from past experience that crawling under the covers would probably make me want to STAY under the covers. Since that wasn’t an option, I decided to reflect on what sort of activities do, usually, boost my energy and my mood? Well, gentle exercise, for one. Yoga is great. Neighborhood walks are also good (particularly on sunny days). In my current state, yoga seemed a bit ambitious. I decided that a walk might be doable. If I could just get my shoes on and coax myself out the door…then all I had to do was put one foot in front of the other.

Me: “Okay, I know you want chocolate, but how about a nice little urban hike instead?”
Body: “Hmph.”

Me: “I know, but chocolate really isn’t going to make you feel better.”
Body:“Yes it will.”
Me: “Umm, yeah, it’s just that we’ve been dating for a pretty long time now, and the thing is, it’s never worked in the past. Not even once. A little fresh air, on the other hand - stretching those legs a little bit, putting on some good music? That works like almost every time.”
Body: “This time will be different.”
Me: “Yeah, you know what? How about this time you just trust me. I know you don’t want to, but just do it anyway. For me?”
Body: “Sigh…Fine.”

I have to say, I have this “conversation” more often than I’d like to admit. Often, chocolate wins. Last night, however, I decided to put my shoes on and head out into the sunshine. And guess what? It felt great.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Listening to: Cunninglinguists
Chewing on: Farro

…of a number of things. This has been a rich week. A week of action. Of reflection, of observation and participation. It’s been a week of catalyzing and connecting. And of deep, deep appreciation for my time, here, now, for as long as it lasts, and for the people who share and enliven it.

Energetically, this week has been much more kobe beef than brown rice. No, I have not suddenly become a closet carnivore (though I did have one little bite – I mean when a friend builds a stone hearth by hand, how can you resist?) I’m just saying that there are times in life for grounding and others for igniting.

What is the nature of passion? How does it manifest in each of us? I’m not just talking about physical passion, though that’s certainly a delightful and slippery topic in and of itself. I’ve been wondering about the kind of passion that lives within each of us, whether we are alone or joined with another.

For some, it burns brightly - a little wild even, spreading uncontained like so many California fires. In others, it is more of a smolder, needing perhaps some as yet undiscovered source of fanning to really spring to life. And some know a passion precise and directional, like the flame of a blow torch. Each of these people seems to have some flavor of work to do. For some, the challenge is to harness the fire. For others, to stoke it. Some need to soften and diffuse their torch, so that it can light the room instead of burning a hole in the wall. Perhaps each of us, at some point in our lives, feels the inner warmth of one or more of these fires.

But without spark, there is no flame. Which brings me to the question of ignition.

What lights us up? When do we feel most alive – every cell buzzing with the electric vibration of life? What cracks us open? What is it that makes us feel deep and connected and thoroughly engaged? What turns us on?

Rumi (I know, again with the Rumi…they don’t call him a sage for nothing, you know) said: “Let the beauty you love be what you do. There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the earth.” What’s yours? Can it be unbounded, unjudged? Could it look like a stone hearth on a cool fall day, or a firecracker in july, or a thousand tiny candles, or one?

• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Listening to: The skillsaw outside my window
Chewing on: The bounty of indian summer – unadulterated
Reading: Special Topics In Calamity Physics

Rumi said: “God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.”

Yesterday, there was more No than Yes, more darkness than light, more fear than joy. Sure, I did my day. I went through the paces and checked some things off my list. I went to work, I had some meetings, I went to yoga, I connected with friends. I had a good sweat, even made a healthy dinner for myself. But it was a struggle. I felt puffy, out of sorts. Anxious and heavy. The whole day, from the moment I cracked my itchy hay fever eyes with a groan to my last small sigh before sleeping, was just harder than most.

Today, I woke early, effortlessly, the sun streaming through my bedroom window. Today is a Yes. I worked out, I laughed, I made myself a delightful breakfast. I ate it, slowly, in the sunshine. I watched little children play in my back yard. I read an arty magazine. I found a check in the mail instead of a bill. There is just as much to do today as always. And certainly, in the world, as much darkness as ever. But in my day I find an irrepressible lightness.

And the thing is, yesterday could have been just as joyful as today. Or the sweet events of today as clouded with anxiety and doubt as yesterday’s. Perhaps it is true that we, and we alone, create our happiness. That it is a choice, each day, to live in joy. And perhaps, equally true, is that we need our Yes days and our No’s. Two wings to fly.

And small sandwiches.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Savory: Avocado, sprouts & tomato (1st of the season - delicious!) with Sun Valley Spicy Sweet Mustard on toasted Bhutanese red rice bread
Sweet: Organic peanut butter, fresh strawberry compote & sliced strawberries on toasted Bhutanese red rice bread

Sip: Earl Red Tea from Samovar